Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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