You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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