I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
