The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
