I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
