Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
