i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
