Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
