Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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