dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
