the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
