Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
