please come you make the beer taste better
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I believe in your delicious
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
