My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
