if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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