you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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