I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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