so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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