If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
