Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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