why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
