I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my sisters under your porch take her home
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
