Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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