just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i would punch a child for taco bell
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
