Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
