He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
