I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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