Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
