We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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