Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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