Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Alive.
So much puke
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Randomize
