Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
