She even gives head with a lisp.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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