what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
