There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
