Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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