The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
