I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
