He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
