see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
accomplished twins. life is a go
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The adults are the big ones right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize