I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
