FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
