I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
