Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
