had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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