I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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