My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I didn't notice because vodka
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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