I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
