At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize