dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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