Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
