She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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