im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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