How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Small penises have feelings too.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
