i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
