woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
