if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
