So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
