You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
