If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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