I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
