In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
