She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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