just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
