I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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