Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
