Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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