That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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