You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
