i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
