he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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