I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
