Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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