can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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