Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
