you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize