I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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