i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
