I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
